he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
