i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
