So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
