Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
