you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
NoShamevember. You game?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize