I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
