Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
