help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will pee on everything he values.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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