captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
