I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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