just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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