so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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