curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hippo gnu deer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
