I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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