Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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