Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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