Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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