There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize