A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
