Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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