At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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