I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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