Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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