KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
