we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
