Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
