Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
