i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
