the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
