Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
