she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
