Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
