Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
