so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
