he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sobbing to NWA
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
