One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Found the puke drawer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
