This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
