I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
