bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
