Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
