Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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