You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
