Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So much rum. So many feels.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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