i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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