Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
