see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
