I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and she was petting her beer can
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
