Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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