Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
