Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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