No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
