Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
