sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dignity is for republicans.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
