yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
