we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
