I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
