Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
