I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
