Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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