dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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