You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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