Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
