Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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