but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The uberlube is also flammable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
