Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
