She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
