: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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