if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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