So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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