I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
