OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
