So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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